First Conscious Encounter Black Shields, Astral Encounter Violet Ray Being, Gates Dragon Heart Pulse Other Sight Activation, Balancing Crown and Base Non-dualistic Meaning of Words Random Switching of Focus Balancing of Projected Poles Processing Self-worth issues, Dancing in the Red Realm Encapsulated Emotion-Point, Dizziness Basking State, Above and Below Wide State, Crystal Shape White Electrical State Alert Names, Visitation Random Pictures, More Processing Self-worth issues, Heart Chakra Cleansing Channeling The Violet Button brings you back to the Top.

Dragons from the universe Ariana have a pillow-shaped body and a long comet-like tail which enables them to fly. Their colors are fiery white, yellow, orange, red.
The reptilian form is a mask/disguise from used for interaction in dualistic systems (such as this universe). Though it isn´t there true form it is a valid if limited expression.
Human energyworkers who integrate their Dragon/Reptilian DNA seem to usually end up with a higher-dimensional (5th and upwards) hybrid body since we all carry dna-mixtures (so other races merge with the dragon dna) and since we also have the freedom to make our higher dimensional body a unique expression of our dna mix, meaning we can change it at will, to our liking.

My first encounter with my dragon happened about a year ago, he appeared in humanoid form and was seen by others over weeks as a dark shapeshifting presence trying to get my attention. Though I was generally advised to try and get rid of it, since people seemed to sense a dark agenda, I eventually lost my nerve after I had tried to ignore it or get rid of it for a while, and turned to face it and even invited/challenged it to come into my aura, and to get it over with it. By then I had the strong notion that I had to integrate this entity. In the following trance I found myself being wrapped into pitchblack shields by this Reptilian-humanoid entity, shields so black they cut me off from everything, including my guides, I couldn´t call for help, I had NO input from the outside world, and I freaked, then I suddenly realized: I have it all inside. It doesn´t matter if I´m cut off, all my reality is within me. This was a profound and deep-felt revelation to me, and the next moment the shields were gone, and both the entity and I were smiling.

The next distinct encounter happened months later, I had started the process of reclaiming my chi and returning all chi which wasn´t mine, when one night after I had apparently fallen asleep during a trance related to this, I came to in my astral body, and found myself stumbling awkwardly around in my clumsy astral body in a room which was almost, but not quite, like mine. The most significant difference was the fact that the windows were covered, there was no outside. (This made me think afterwards that it might have been an artficial room, made up to look like mine.) I was still trying to figure out what had happened and what I was supposed to do in my astral body, when I got sucked into my physical body. Unfortunately, it was paralyzed, lol. I couldn´t even move my little finger, all I could do was bat my eyelids. (This had happened to me once before, when my guides first came in, they explained later on saying they hadn´t known I would mind being paralyzed. They are not incarnate and don´t know about such minor details.) Suddenly I saw the sheets beside me move, they bulged like a snake or some other elongated entity was slipping under them and moving towards me, and, sure enough, I felt a body warmth and weight against me, and then this entity mounted me and sat on my chest, where it remained for an hour or so. I was in a cold sweat, afraid and frantically trying to move or at least think of some mantras which might chase this visitor away, to no avail, it sat there and infused my heart chakra with a hot, lava-like slow-trickling energy. I couldn´t really see the entity, only sense it, it seemed to be about the size of a large dog, rather squat and pillow-shaped and it had a long tail. Eventually I calmed down a bit, since I noticed my guides were around. After an hour it vanished and I could suddenly move again. - It took me a while and the help of others to find out the hot energy had been chi, and the entity was a dragon from my universe, who had come to bring me my chi back. To do this it had taken on a rather dense astral form, to make the infusion possible. My guides had sent me away in my astral body to have me out of the way while they were preparing my physical body. They had paralyzed me so I wouldn´t move and hurt myself during the infusion.
It was after this encounter that I started wondering when the dragon would come back and bring me some more chi or whatever, I kinda started missing it.
It came back several weeks later, again in pretty dense form, I could again feel weight and warmth, and also personality, and I had a very strong sense of familiarity, like we had known each other for a very long time, and known each other well. We were completely at ease with each other and very affectionate towards each other. He stayed for an hour or two, snuggling up against me, and I felt his comet-tail enter my chest area again, I didn´t know why he did that, however it felt good, and we remained like that for a while. He seemed to smile. It was a rather pleasant encounter.
After that I tried to find him in the astral, but couldn´t, no trace. Usually I´m good at targeting entities, so this puzzled me, and didn´t make me happy. I wanted him to come back. I say him, though he felt like both male and female, like higher dimensional entities who have integrated both female and male side do, however he was more on the male side, if anything.
Strange enough, even though I couldn´t see him or track him down, souly could see him during the scans she did on me, and insisted he was sitting on my chest, in dragon form, but obviously he didn´t want to be seen by me. Around that time it became clear he is a part of me, and it was a weird situation, cause I did have memories of being a pillow-shaped dragon, flying around in some other dimension, but now I was facing myself, my own dragon self, and hadn´t recognized it, despite the memories. The separation was too complete, he was indeed like an other entity, separated from me. The memories were from the time when I had not been separated from him, when I was him, when we were one.

Parallel to these experiences I was working on releasing my earth-bound id and eventually managed to do so and turned into a humanoid spider entity, which I call my Tara Dancer; when I asked her who she is she said she´s my wildest joy. Joy of creation. She creates through her dancing, in a very professional manner. I have memories of being her once before, on another planet, her skin is green with multi-coloured filaments swirling around in it.
I had been pregnant with an astral dragon-baby for quite a while, and after the integration of my spider-self dancer I realized I had become the young dragon, in fact it had been a merging of dragon and spider dna and the result was a hybrid (me). The astral egg was first a black box halfway outside of me, halfway shoved into the small of my back (where I had had a blockage for ages), and after the box had been opened and a lot of small spider babies had come out of it to become a part of my mental body, the box was turned soft with the help of yellow squid energy (squid being another race of Ariana) and turned into an egg, in which a dragon baby grew. (I had seen the dragon baby in the 5th on new Terra during a trance months ago, where someone walked up to me with a lot of baby reptiles, and I wanted to have one too cause they were so cute, so I created one.) From all I know, the dragon baby was made of my spider dna and the dragon´s dna.

During the next weeks I was never really out of touch with my dragon, since souly told me what was going on (I still couldn´t make him appear to me, I only saw him when he chose to be seen), and gradually it dawned on me that I was in for another kind of spider-dragon merger, given that I had basically turned into my spider-dragon-self, I now seemed to be ready for the next step.

The next step, as it turned out, was the appearance of my dragon in humanoid form; this happened during dreamtime, and was an astral encounter, with all the makings of a dream, only far more vivid, you know, those dreams where you can sense a lot energetically, where you are aware of your energy fields and such. In this dream I basically chose to leave with my dragon, instead of staying with my spider-guide. The dragon was in basically humanoid form, very dark and he put his black shields around me, thereby cutting us off from the rest of the group and indicating that he wanted to work with me on a personal basis, undisturbed by others. Work is maybe not the most descriptive word in this case, but you get my meaning.
During a trance initially completely unrelated to dragons, I was given a device called the DragonHeart Pulse, it is a golden pulse which first attracts/absorbs a yellowish and green energy (like mist), then it emits this energy, which then goes out like a layer of mist permeating everything, and it is for bringing down the walls of 3D-perception. So, when this energy-layer reaches other entities, it is like an offer to them to make use of it and let it help them to get rid of their limiting 3D-perceptions and belief-systems, their walls which prevent them from seeing spirit/other world/higher-dimensional reality. The offer can be accepted or declined. If accepted the energy permeates the wall-structures and makes them crumble. I was advised to use it twice a day, in the mroning and in the evening, for myself and if I so choose also offering it to others, globally. It is located in my heart-chakra, feels hot, and the pulse is slow and steady. It takes a few minutes until it has absorbed enough energy to start emitting it. As of yet I have no idea where the energy it attracts comes from.
I did have the notion using this DragonHeart Pulse was preparing me for/facilitating the merger with my Dragon Self. While I received it I heard the words: Let the truth be known and Bring down the walls.

The next dream occured a few days later, this time I could see him quite clearly, his outer layer was a vibrant, very dark and alive violet. It was like a vibration-layer, it seemed ot move in itself all the time, currents of energy streaming through it, it felt like it had much content, a rich flavour if you will, like a ripe fruit maybe. The whole encounter was most amazing, and mutual attraction prevailed. The violet layer, though an authentic part of him, but also a mask, prevented me from seeing any face, features, or other details, however what is underneath is not human, that much I could make out. The encounter was suddenly interrupted (I thought at first by me, but got clarification later on, it was him) due to an over-responsiveness of my kundalini, which made me come out of balance in no time. However, after a while of frustrated whining I was able to resume contact and he explained what had happened and that I must not come out of balance and work on this, so that a proper exchange can take place. On that day we had a pretty intense energy-work session, during which I released a lot of fears, which he was obliged to trigger in a rather creative and humorous way, namely he let me sign a contract while he was holding his hand over its content, lol. Then he took his hand away, what was written on the contract was: I am You & You are Me. My signature, which was my 3d-name, vibrated and changed into MarriAna (soul name). Then he alerted me to the fact he could now change the content of this contract at random, lol. A lot of releasing followed.
This resulted in daily sessions of energy-work, where my dragon tells me what to do, as in, gain balance by activating both crown and base chakra simultaneously and to the same degree (well he not only tells me, he shows me and also helps me, he can activate my crown quite easily for instance). I´m getting better at this, and so we were able to start working on my heart chakra while I´m in this balanced state, however he still has to block my hara so my kundalini won´t stampede. Parallel to this we´re working on my other sight, namely he showed me how my (closed) left eye is for seeing higher-dimensional things including him, and my right eye is for seeing hings in the astral, along the timeline. He guided my vision to several points along the timeline, so I can learn how to focus there. With my left eye, he wanted me to focus on coloured shapes which were moving around randomly before my inner vision, but I couldn´t pinpoint them; so he showed me a gate, which had a light-blue crystal ball on its left, and a pink one on its right side, and it was quite easy for me to focus on that and go there and be there. Then he showed me his own gate, which leads to his violet realm. It has 2 violet crystal balls. There are other gates leading to other higher-dimensional realms, and it is not a good idea to walk through those gates at random, lol. One must discern. The reason he wanted me to pinpoint one of the random shapes was because one needs to focus and interact/relate to access something/a realm. When I first asked him how I can find him (cause he´d vanished again after the last dream, in fact he did not vanish but used his black shields - he can be standing right next to me, I don´t see him.) he showed me a landscape with trees and a lake and such, and when I started to look at the trees and eventually to communicate with them, I suddenly was there, IN the landscape. So that´s the idea, to relate, to communicate with the things there, to be there. Tune in.
The exercises and daily sessions are still going on and he doesn´t vanish on me anymore. I can always go to the violet gate and find him there. When I did he flung an electric orange-red-yellow-white charge in my face the moment I stepped in, it exploded in my inner vision and clung to my eyes, and when the bright light of the explosions had subsided it was like a vibrating web clinging to my eyes and forehead, with little dots in it. It is still in place. It is some sort of activation of my other sight, and probably a device for (visual) communication with my dragon.

Dec. 2nd 2002 - Notes after session:
so, what are we learning...
crown and base must both be active at the same time... to the same degree... by which balance is achieved...
theoretically, lol, cause practically I was afflicted with a terrible sense of loneliness in the heart region.. to which the answer seemed to be (it´s all a bit hazy, the communication, or my understanding thereof) only love sets you free, and after I had asked several questions about life, the universe, how it all fits together, why I have to be here, what the mission is anyway, and why there is a divine/whole self, an oversoul and me and a dragon, and so on, lol, what happened was a hot chi-like energy started to pour into my heart chakra, obvisously coming from the dragon, I´m not sure if that was actually love (well it felt good, but so does chi, or are they the same..?) and came in answer to my query about the rotten feeling in the heart region, or if it was the answer to something else or........
Yesterday we worked on the eyes some more, and also on base and crown simultaneously, and I spent an inordinate time practising keeping the balance between the two, it was quite boring, lol, however it felt like he helped me with the crown, it felt like he was reaching into it, and helping me to maintain an appropriate degree of activation, to counter-balance the activity of my base chakra. I know one of my guides showed me how to have an exchange via antakarana, but I can´t for the life of me remember how exactly it was done.. strange.
During the eyes-adjustments he urged me to look at moving shapes and such, which I was seeing behind my closed eyes, when he said pinpoint one I couldn´t. They kept on moving and eluding me. After a while of looking at those boring shapes he showed me a door, a gate which had two round stones set to its sides, like this, i-I-i, the dots being the stones, the on on the left was sky-blue, the one on the right light pink. The gate lead to a graveyard-park. It was now easy to focus, I concentrated on those stones and managed to get a hold quite easily, and tuned in to that place. I went through the gate, there was a lake, a duck-like bird was swimming in it, looked at me, suddenly bared terrible teeth and snapped at me, the usual scare-her so we can raise her vibes thingy. I went back to the gate twice, and the bird only got bigger and more scary, and in addition a nasty zombie baby appeared, I´m not going to go there anymore, lol. I can tune in to it quite easily, I still remember the pic and could go there right now. Maybe I must go there when I want to raise my vibes? The place where monsters will scare you, give you your initial shock so you can raise your vibes..?
When I whined to him about having to be in 3D instead of at least the 5th and having to experience 3D instead of hanging out in higher dimensional-form, he assured me that 3D-stuff is like a shell which contains the essence of things, and that it´s all there and that the true essence does not get affected or annihilated by the shell into which it is put. All things are like essences which ahppen to wear a 3D-cloak, or shell, like a coconut or other fruit with a shell, the good part being inside, and the shell just is what it is, and is not supposed to be digested/interacted with so to speak, which made me think, how many people are hunting for shells, never seeing the essences of things or persons or whatever..?

This relationship isn´t like my usual guide relationships in that I am actually a part of the dragon; in that there is mutual attraction involved and not just the issue of learning/teaching. It has been decribed to me as the attraction of opposites, of female spider - male dragon, as well as void energy - lightning energy. I´m currently working on developing my communication skills, I can talk with my dragon in my mind but I still get confused as to who is saying what, I´m always worried that I´m making it up, however some answers were pretty clearly not of my making, cause I had trouble grasping the deeper meaning. He uses words I know, but with a very different meaning, which I have to sense, grasp. It´s like, the shells (words) are the same but with a different content, one way beyond duality. For instance:
intimate - within one´s being (action, process-related)
violation - inter-action initiated and carried out by a violet-ray being, including trespass (note: neutral, as in border-crossing) into energy-fields of other entity.
validation - bringing something into its true form.

Dec. 10th 2001 - In the last several days I had trouble concentrating, focusing on anything for more than 1 minute during trance sessions, my thoughts kept wandering off, slipping away to nonsense things and pondering them, which ennervated me. In the last one of these hazy sessions I saw a golden eye, not very clear, symbol-like, and I could go into/through it. No idea what happened then, unclear focus, don´t remember. So yesterday I realized I had been in the process of coming out of balance in the other direction - supressing my kundalini and counter-balancing it with my crown as soon as it moved, thereby cutting it off alltogether, out of fear it would overwhelm me again. So I relaxed and it immediately started to crawl up my spine; in the next session I opened my base deliberately, still counterbalancing with the crown and also making sure the heart chakra was active, and this lead to an exchange with the Dragon lasting approximately half an hour, which didn´t exactly culminate in anything, but at least the energy was flowing and not blocked anymore. I´m having trouble getting visuals, for some odd reason it is suddenly difficult to find the gates. But then, I had a headache yesterday, before the Dragon session, during which something got installed, the headache was mainly in the left brainside. I have no idea what it was that got installed. However I was able to balance the pain rather quickly, going with the energy instead of resisting it. So maybe whatever got installed is currently blocking my vision, while I´m integrating it.
I´ve tried to ask the Dragon for his name, since the name Arraksis which was channeled by GoldenStar when the Dragon first sat on my chest doesn´t seem to apply anymore - maybe it was a mask-name, or maybe the name applies only to the dog-sized non-humanoid dragon-form? - but he refused to give a name and seems content that I call him the Dragon. Fine with me.

Dec. 13th 2001 - Excerpt from an online oracle reading, one point was: >Along with any accumulation of wealth or influence may come an accumulation of pride and arrogance. Fight this tendency if you intend to continue prospering.<
I then talked about this directly with my Dragon:

.. accumulation of pride and arrogance..
probing.. how would that happen? I don´t think I would be an asshole and become arrogant..
- Accumulation
little by little?
- obviously.
it would happen while the manifestation process is already underway, during it - little by little, step by step.
Okay, so how do I forestall this event?
Polarization.. Clarification.. Crystallization..
of what?
Manifestation
how?
the parts of manifestation which I would /currently (basically, from my current energy make-up) intent to manifest to bolster my self-worth
my self-worth must be there before I manifest abundance?
otherwise it is a violation
as in, trespass into other entity, getting my self-worth from their re-action to my displayed riches
as in
Polarization
as in, one pole (me) creating/projecting another pole and interacting with that rather than with itself - a projection, an interaction with a mirror-pole (another entity mirroring the one pole), picture: one pole of earth sending out rays around the globe until on the other side of the globe a second pole appears, and the first pole is interaction via those rays with the second (mirror) pole. It should deal with itself, not create mirror-poles of itself.
my thoughts: It is obviously how duality comes into existence. Well it might be okay if it is done out of love or joy. But I think not. Mirroring is silly. how about seeing the truth of the other entity, not creating a projection and interacting with that, instead of a true other entity who does not have a mirrior-projection clinging to it like a mask.

(may I add this was received via left brainside and left eye looking while closed, signal came in like Iria´s did into that receiver station in left brain side, crown had to be opened)

well that leaves me with the question: how do I develop my self-worth without manifesting abundance first.
I must feel my self-worth intact. whole. Whoa. lol.

I polarize within.
That is why I polarize without.
As long as I polarize within, and the pendulum swings between the inner poles, (interaction between 2 poles, motion back forth)
the manifestation swings, polarizes too.
So, how do I stop this inner polarization?
Violation.
Trespass into other entity.
Trespass of higher pole into lower pole.
Mutual Violization
Perfect Violation
Mutual trespass of higher into lower pole and lower into higher pole
increasing degree of mutual violation
(up down movement)
until:
culmination
perfect violation - balance
peak of mutual violation is reached
then
polarization
ends.
*VBS*
there´s more..
Mutation.
Mutation results from that peak and end of polarization?
yes..
(here I broke off to write this down)
(as in, the 2 now identical poles turn into something else, mutate)
so, the violization is the violation of the lower by the higher, in this case. As in, violet vibration entity trespasses into lower entity (me). Wow, complicated, lol. *grasp grasp* - this took me an age to understand. While he was explaining he was actually doing it too, accessing my crown (very very intense, close to headache) and also the medulla oblongata via the entry point in the back of the neck. While he was doing this I was activating and drawing on the root of divine patience which is in my heart chakra, and noticing an icky point down in my lower chakras (hara I think) which I identified as the root of impatience. So I was sending the root of impatience-pole up into the root of patience pole in my heart chakra and also sending the patience root pole down into the impateince pole. So they made an oval circuit, flowing down, flowing up. until they balanced, until the flow between the 2 poles was totally balanced and even. Until I think, there was no difference between the 2 poles, as the perfect trespass had been achieved, as in, perfectly balanced exchange, so that both are actually the same. One even flow made of the same stuff. As above, so below. Not 2 poles, but one circuit.. or 2 identical poles. I had to work very hard on staying open during this.. event.

Comments: I expected things to be too easy. in truth it is difficult, but it can be done. it is an effort, but it pays off.The idea would be to stay totally open at all times. I really had to work to be in an open, allowing state without trying to push things this way or that. Basically resistance is completely useless and should not be indulged in. I have asked for and received the root of divine patience months ago, and now the Dragon showed me I also have a root of impatience, and that those 2 were unbalanced. I suppose I´ll have to balance all such pairs of poles within me eventually. No idea how many there might be. - The inner polarizations one has results in outer polarizations, and as long as the poles are unbalanced it results in inner and outer imbalance, which is not good, so one balances the poles by mutual violation, which is a trespass into another entity, and when the perfect degree of mutual violation is reached a culmination occurs. and the polarization ends. I am deeply impressed.
Polarization: means one pole reaching around a globe, imagine earth and the south pole, and the south pole reaches around and creates the north pole, and interacts with it, and thus the pendulum swings, and imbalance occurs, and it is a projection and a mirror and thus duality was created.
So you are one pole, and you create another mirror-pole, you project it - you can project it onto other entities too, who will then wear a mirror-pole-mask and you interact with that - and thus the inner imbalance becomes an outer imbalance and you do not solve things in yourself. So the inner 2 poles which are the cause of the outer 2 poles must be fixed so the outer manifestations can be balanced like your inside. One starts with identifying the 2 inner poles, then starts an exchange between them, the circuit closes then and the degree of violation must be increased. (violation is the trespass of one pole´s energy into the other pole, and in this case it is mutual, so it is mutual violation.) Then, if you keep going, perfect mutual violation is reached, the poles are identical and totally balanced. Then a culmination occurs. and the polarization ends. one even circuit, the energy in it is the same in all places. but that is not all, after that a mutation follows, and the 2 now identical poles turn into something else alltogether.

Dec. 15th 2001 - yesterday: blocked, no drive, holding back. finally lost nerve and sent beams of light through myself, much like swords, first through hara. (hara-kiri.. err, lol.). shafts of light had different colors. Used many, in various angles. That through the hara was horizontal. That through the spine lotrecht. sent them all the way through, don´t know where they started, where they ended.. in any case they were protruding at the same length on both sides, a few metres I´d say, 4 or 5 at the least. That helped, it cleared me.
Session proeceeded, (sitting on chair for a change) did not include channeled communication, as in, words, but that seemed not to be the point anyway. Much about releasing: shame, lack of self-worth, all kinds of self-worth issues. Disappointing my Dragon, disappointing myself, expecting myself to be such and such, expecting him to be such and such, expecting him to be expecting things from me, and so on. Mainly surfacing from hara, lower chakras. Afterwards felt that I was and had been out of the flow (standstill.. like mentioned.) and started to walk around and talk out loud, voicing thoughts, trying to get back into the flow, kicking the wall and such. Nothing excessive.
Today again session starting while sitting on chair, then went to bed, due to kundalini-energy-induced dizzyness, lol. (funny how words can be chosen so they still say what they are supposed to but are not proper as in aligned-with shells of their content - dry un-emotional shells, which in their form do not account for their emotionally charged content. oh well.) I eventually longed for contact, and wanted to be able to feel him, as in, close, distinctly, not just elusive energetical sensations and a back-up in the back and an otherwise hazy presence around me.. I handed him a note which said request: give me the works. lol. Then I said okay I know, out of the question, cancelled, balance is the word. Note came back: sexual relationship postponed. (as in, not cancelled, only postponed, lol) And he wrote partly would be possible, if not the whole works. Well, my crown was very stable in its activated state, I think due to a firm helpful grip on it (Dragon). It was like, a signal came into the crown, travelled down my spine (slowly), hit home in the base, bounced off it, went back up and exploded in the crown, it was quite pleasant. Then another signal would come in, and this continued for a while. Slowly, a relaxed rhythm.
My vibration was medium high. Later on I felt despair and pain over not being home, not being my true self and such.. felt an urge to cry rise up from the hara.. and then a block or maybe a filter on my throat, which prevented the crying urge-energy from going further up in its current form, and thus prevented it from reaching the eyes and my head, and makiing me cry. So I did not cry. Almost not. This happened several times.
Much rummaging and pressure on and through and behind my navel.
While I was trying to transform this despair thing I installed/accessed 2 poles, one way below me, one way above me, and tried to center from those two, I mean work from those 2.. like I used to always work from the headquarter staion in my heart chakra, pushing buttons and such like in a spaceship, I now saw those consoles in those 2 centers outside of me, and hit buttons like openness surrender, and then the effect of them would race towards me from both poles and fill me and affect my energyfields. It was like being suspended between those 2 poles. I figured if everything was such a mess in me, including the heart which felt pain too, I better work from outside, that would be a better, clearer perspective. Well, it worked. Then I thought 2 poles, and that it probably is about letting the energy flow between highest and lowest, and maybe we can work on working those2 extreme poles up towards mutation too?
Somewhen I tried to be my spider-dancer, my wildest joy, it didn´t work that smoothly.. something was off, I think I was trying too hard. When I relaxed more, she was dancing on a red plane, and a shapeless blob of opal energy was rising from the edge of it, and the more she danced the more the huge opal energy blob rose, until it was towering over her, glittering, and touched down on her, and in that moment something transformed. Then she was on a green plane, and I/she tried to dance on it but it was water, and so I dived, and was a water-spider, and played with my air-bubble, which glittered beautifully. I just kept moving as a black spider in the bubble, juts to make it glitter. Then I noticed a giant squid under me, and decided I had to face that and go down, and that it was my oversoul. So I swam down and felt some fears, and swam into its open.. beak or whatever. It was so huge there was just a dark wide cave, lots of room. In that dark water was another giant squid, still lower under me, so I went deeper and faced that too. I thought, what is it gonna do, eat me ?? bite me ?? well, that might hurt, and I might die, so what ?? I´m soul, not body. It didn´t really scare me. I sank down towards it, lazy-calm. Then I concentrated on my body again and being in my bed, and felt a medium warm, medium-dark energy seep upwards into my back, and thought that is the squid, my oversoul is reaching up from below, and infusing me. That was cool. New. Oversoul from below. Very interesting and nice.
When I was the dancer I felt more pain, cause it had been so long and I desperately wanted to be like that always, not only on Sundays, so to speak. I asked to be my spiderself again, and tried to move naturally.. it felt so good. I wanted to work as a spider, I mean do what a spider does, and how a spider does it, I enjoy it so much. I requested that. Then while I tried to express myself as the green dancer I caught a glimpse of how a Dragon might dance, my, most.. attractive. I´m not used to that, I must look more. I´m not sure how he does it.
Basically when I was between the 2 outside poles I turned into a tunnel.. like a long shaft was between the 2 poles and I was in the middle, the middle part of the shaft. Hollow.
Oh yes, somewhen I was hanging out in my base, and the Dragon was working on the crown, and I sent up the base energy and pulled down (or it came by itself, dunno) the crown energy, at the same moment, to exchange the energy and make the circle full, err, go full circle, finish the circle, close the circuit, balance the poles.
When I was still feeling pain in the lower chakras - below the throat chakra where the filter/block was - I asked what is it like now, the attraction I felt between us when you first came to me (in that dream I meant, in humanoid form, in that stable), what is it like now? Then a distinct focussed point pushed against my 3rd eye, or slightly above it, middle of forehead, and that made me go all calm, all of me. Like a quiet sea. Quietly unified. Nothing. It was pleasant. It continued. The pressure of the focus-point was quite high, but I asked for it to be increased, and it did. It sort of welled into my brain.. still strong grip around my head and crown.. and I liked that. I think he was not quite aware I really like strong sensations, and don´t mind at all, cause it increased considerable when I asked, and I think he smiled in a good-humoured way, lol. It is a bit awkward to write about my Dragon like this, as he has not left.. lol. Hi Dragon! lol.
Methinks it´s easier to release fears, than shame and shame-related feelings, and self-worth issues. Those are really icky, extremely nasty and sticky. Well, at least I figured out that is what I´m doing, supposed to do, lol. Took me a while. I let it surface and then I must open up the spots which feel icky and then he assists me and helps me cleanse them. It is a totally new experience, opening up icky spots to someone else.

I think the opal energy was my essence on the red level. I think I danced it up, it was released and integrated, catapulting me the next level I´m supposed to work through. Why was that the green level? The green realm is the center realm. Makes sense that my oversoul was there. But then, was the darkness/depth down there the black level? Hm. Or the depth of the red realm, going into the depth of the red realm. Well I´m not sure.
Btw, strong, very strong back-up in the back of my heart chakra, between shoulderblades, from the Dragon. Most of the time it´s there, and intensifies quite often. I enjoy that.
Lightning, and the roll of thunder. Deep voices, deep like thunder. What is it with the deep voices? Turtles like deep sounds. Hmmm. Rumbling. Hmm. I am in the lightning - the poem. Hmmm. Impact. Flash. Rolling rumbling thunder.
Electricity fills the air. Charged. Ignition.
Since I just experienced it again, hehe, there´s this charged-up electrical cloud like energy being sent into my lower back, it billows out in me and travels into the rest of me like a ..wave. like a cloud of electricity fanning out. It is most pleasant. He can keep doing that all the time - only I get so dizzy, I would do nothing else, lol. It leaves sort of a cold residue, sensation in my spine, I mean at the entry point, after it subsides. An open coldness.
Nice to know my back is accessible now.
Dec. 17th 2001 - The Dragon induced a, hm.. very intense emotional energy within me last night, which was sort of like an energy-point or encapsuled, first in my heart chakra region, then in the lower chakras, around the hara somewhere.. still trying to understand.. trying to figure out what exactly this feeling is and when I had encountered it before, I´m pretty sure it was during sexual encounters, but also some other situations, maybe some other sort of highly agitated situation, but what was it ?? hm. I think it has to do with the fact that this feeling or emotional energy can be induced outside of an exciting situation, it does not have to come from certain situations, it can be induced deliberately, one does not have to create a situation to get to the feeling so to speak, it is about the basic energetical process which induces this feeling, and that the basic energetical process is independent of an outside situation. The amazing thing is that it is a highly charged emotional energy, high-degree excitement, but it was encapsulated, so only the specific part of me in which the capsule was was excited. And when I tapped into it it was accompanied by that feeling of getting real dizzy in a very pleasant way, which I´ve experienced throughout my life but never have been able to figure out, I mean, what it´s good for, lol, cause it comes from .well situations which are not. well, very significant, outwardly, first it comes when someone tickles my back, and then, more important, when I listen to people concentrating on something in a calm way - like practising playing the guitar, or drawing doodles, or telling a story. things like that, I will go all soft and dizzy and almost. paralyzed. So when I tapped into it, sort of reached into the capsule, the dizzy feeling welled up and if I let that spread I go silly smile, bliss out, say nothing, sluggish, I can hardly move then, lol, so strange. He showed me it can be put anywhere I like to put it. It is not tied to any specific chakra area, even if humans have the conditioned habit of putting it into a specific area, or of getting into situations which will induce it in a specific area - but in reality it is independent of location and situation. And it was contained in a capsule, not the chakra was a capsule, but a much smaller capsule was around the emotional energy, it was much like a point of energy, rather small, maybe nut-sized. It is not there all the time, and gets activated, it is more like, it gets created and then it is there - before that, after that, it is not. I think. That is what it felt like. He encapsuled it so I would not get all dizzy right away, cause then I would not have been able to observe properly. I did get dizzy when I played with it, and when I stopped the dizzyness vanished again, if I let it.
Another idea with this is that it gets put into heart and hara because of the 2 poles. maybe I must balance the 2 sides of this thing by dividing it into 2 poles and again start to exchange energy between them, I put one capsule in the heart and the other in the hara so they can exchange along the central column, or whatever it is which connects the lower with the higher chakras. Set them up for exchange and, ultimately, culmination into balance, like the patience-impatience thingy. put them in the proper place, where that can be done.
When he did that he was behind me. he accessed my back, my whole back but most of all my lower back and the spot between the shoulder blades, and that is because I cleared my back for access 2 days ago, when I found myself dancing on the red realm plane and after that I noticed my oversoul was accessing my whole back, I was lying on my back and she seeped >upwards< into me, oversoul from below.
Maybe the dizzy state can be described as a total surrender mode? ..well it makes me so dizzy I can´t move... all sluggish. I just bask. wait.. bask. where did I read that... the reptilians... basking in the sun... blissing out on it bigtime. hmmmm. -It is so pleasant a state I never want it to stop, lol, I wouldn´t mind spending the rest of eternity in that state. I don´t wanna do anything else, and never move again, lol - maybe like what I was in source, when I was a green vibration who did nothing? It is sort of a basking. hm. Was I basking in the other person´s energy? Was that it? They gave off energy during that calm concentration, what state is that exactly, when people are very calm and relaxed while they concentrate on something nice, what can that be called? it´s sort of like they are in the flow. they flow like a small calm river. their energy flows. to me ?? lol. hm. Hold it. the back. the plates along the spine, the plates on the back through which the energy is absorbed when they bask in the sun. and my guide accessed me through the back. Absorbing through the back. that is important, but why, how so? ..And the energy came from below, from my oversoul...

Souly did a reading for me:

souly: I see your dragon standing behind you, he rubs his tail up and down the front of you. Then I see him holding you like a baby. over his shoulder. I hear that I am to tell you this .the causes and factors matter not. what is felt. does matter. investigate the feelings for they hold more within them, they hold peices to yourself that must be known in order to transcends. this is not what it seems to be. the deep dark waters of the green realm is but you. it's your deeper nature symbolizing all that you are. rest a while in the arms of your dragon. it's is this comfort that you feel. it is the comfort that you don't want to leave. and so you stay dizzy in his arms. all is well. all is well hmmmmm well there you go. not sure who was speaking. but it came in very clear - That sure opened my crown. I think there is alot more to tell/show you. I'm gonna type what I see.
MarriAna my refresh is acting up.. that makes very much sense about the tail, because that is what I felt several times, he is behind me but still, he is also touching me from in front, I had trouble figuring out why and assumed maybe he is like a cloud of energy sometimes. Tail, yes, well that explains it. - The comfort of being whole? is that it? yes I know I don´t have to look for why, I only have to figure out what it is Now, that is enough - difficult though, I hope I´m on the right track, do I get to stay in my comfort-state forever in the end ?? lol, I´d very much like that.
souly: okay. this is what I see. I see you laying on your bed, I see the dragon by your bed that sometimes sits on your stomach. he looks at me and he pulls out a book. you are sleeping. he hands me the book and I am to read it to you. it reads in symbols and pictures. this is what I see when I look at the book. I see your universe. Arriana I see your oversoul and I see the Mother.this whole univeres and what it holds swirls around you as you sleep. on occcassion you sit up and look at what moves around you. you grab peices of it out from around you. you study them, and you place them within you. there is more to see beyond the universe Ariana. And the dragon is getting you ready for that journey. it is the journey deeper into who you are. you will learn to look beyond the symbols/life of arriana and you will know what they truly are. for there is more than meets the eye.I see you setting in bed and I hand you the book. the dragon sits on your lap and strokes your head. read. read. he says. look beyond what you see and know that there is more beyond what you see. Allow for the openess and shed what you think. Allow the new understanding, with new symbols to come in. Boy that was strong. and much to ponder on too.
MarriAna: why does he sit on my stomach ?? I feel that very distinctly quite often, a pressure, weight, and also rummaging in my stomach, accessing it through the navel/hara.
MarriAna: well, hell, my puter crashed. It is not used to the high vibes, lol. What I was trying to say was yes it was only yesterday that I thought the Ariana file is closed, since the matrix is finished, and yes he tells me openness is one of the basic requirements cause thus I can focus in the Now with my perception unlimited by expectations. - That emotion he induced, in the capsule, I had to take extra care to balance - would not have made it without his assistance in fact - as in, open the crown, because it brought me to the verge of an energetical climax. It was so intense, and I tried not to tap into it too much, but he was also encouraging me and sending these. hm, shiver-like clouds of energy into my back, like a cloud full of sparks. most pleasant. but I understand I must also learn and observe and balance while all that happens - I would just as gladly just bliss out and faint, lol. - From what you said, about it being my comfort state, I think it means that I sort of brought that up from my oversoul (self, ultimately).. by going into the squid I opened that portal to my comfort? What exactly is it, the comfort - does it really lead back to being whole? It is obviously a natural emotion, a natural part of my whole energy make-up, well, what function does it have ?? when is it useful to be sooo dizzy ?? I mean I don´t mind at all, lol, I just wonder. .
souly: LOL who wouldn't rather bliss out and faint.. what you experienced represents a climatic event that bursts into ones awareness. there are lots of changes in the process for you. I have had to let go of things too. so new ideas could come in. The letting go is hard, but I was shown that when we hold onto something then our hand is not open to recieve more of what we are. Holding on creates limits.
MarriAna: yes I noticed it too, or was shown, when I expect things to be such and such, I´m like blinded to what is right before me, cause I am focused on looking for things I imagine must be there, when they aren´t, and thus I get frustrated, and blinded - very silly. includes expectations I have of my myself, what I must be like and such, and I´m only now coming to terms with the fact I am practically on the outer limits of my current abilities when I try to grasp what he puts before me - but feeling like an idiot is detrimental too, lol, then I lack the neccessary drive. It´s a razor´s edge at first, walking in the Now so to speak - figure I will eventually get the drift and open more channels to it automatically after a while, so it´ll become easier, in a way, I mean I shall progress and what is hard now will be easy then, which is not to say the things I have to do then will be easy then, lol, .*runs after brain to catch it and stuff it back in* - it´s not really going to pass, that state of being on one´s outer limits, in that as long as one progresses at that speed it will neccessarily be pushing things to cross borders, and there is no reason to slow down, is there? The idea seems to be to get accustomed to and confortable with that state of being on the brink, constantly trespassing borders in fact, I think it is unsafe to be anywhere but in the Now, I see it as my task currently to be quite open and not excpect anything but look and see what is going on for real, no repetitions, always new stuff, I must be on my toes all the time.
souly: I'm thinking that it may be a past pattern that you are experiencing. something you created a long time ago. and it's coming to your attention now so you can see what it is and clear it. me thinks.
MarriAna: well, not sure - more than that - sure, it was there in the past too, but more important it was >always< there and is a part of my original energy make-up. Well sure, maybe it got distorted recently, in the last few hundred years or so, during the mission matrix build-up. And that is why it is put into position for balancing its 2 poles, yes?
souly: I just had bit of a bingo moment. you said that feelings of shame and self worth preceded this. so I could very well be a pattern you created to not feel those feelings. the key is to just let it all flow. but you know that : ) - I understand what you mean about the now. But sometimes our past invades our now and takes us back and out of the now. creating unbalance. so you just regrasp the now by taking care of the past thing that is grabbing you out of the now. now.
MarriAna: well the shame and feeling like an idiot and worthless inhibited my working together with the Dragon. I had trouble with my position. I was used to being in charge, more or less, during trances and such, and only occasionally I´d receive such direct, to-the-point guidance, so it unsettled me. I don´t know if that is actually connected to the feeling-capsule he put into me then, it is more like, I could not be in the Now as long as I had those expectations about the situation/position I´m in, and I couldn´t have seen >anything< he would have cared to put into me, cause I was blinded. - You see, I never had trouble expressing my sexual feelings or anything like that, or enjoying that dizzyness (which is not the same as the capsule-emotion), I think it is more like, this goes deeper, he doesn´t want me to label things and take the nature of things for granted, he wants me to have new insights, and the problem is not that I don´t see things, the problem is I had trouble to face their true nature, yes ?? – (from Dragon:) yes. Past is past. Things are Now. Things are shedding their cloaks.

Pondering:
I wonder about about reptiles basking in the sun and blissing out on it, how does that work? I´m confused about the little patches or shields they have along their spine, the reptiles, I read that, and I made a drawing of the mantis way back when, with such shields, the mantis sisters had them too, oh but they are insectoid, not reptiloid..? how does that fit? in any case it is through the little shields on the spine through which the reptiles absorb the energy (from the sun or whatever source), and my oversoul accesses me through the back currently (and has always had a tendency, but now I cleared more in my back, so more access), and my guide too, hm. And when he does that it is like basking. Does my energy make-up include little shields along the spine? Might it be that one was reptiloid before one became insectoid? so that the original energy system contains the reptiloid basics? is that why the mantis have the shields? (NTA said they are vibrating plates quite similar to human vertebre, but few humans remember how to stay warm using the vibration.)

How is it with above-below, that is puzzling me a bit, when the oversoul comes from below - what is the difference, to when she comes from above? ..how is that, umm.. divided? she represents/contains different potentials, as in, there is an above-oversoul, and a below-oversoul - of course she is whole, but she divides for the sake of the exercise, which is, to have 2 poles and exchange the energy between them to make them the same so they can culminate into balance? She divides into 2 poles, but what are the different characteristics or potentials assigned to the 2 poles, what is the difference between above-below, really? She happens to access me from below because I started to put myself between the highest and the lowest, while I had trouble balancing - it always stabilizes me to extend upper and lower and center there, in both poles at the same time, making myself into a channel between the 2, however this time I obviously hit the jackpot, cause the below as well as the above is my oversoul, thus I can go for the big culmination. Of course, that´s not all, the mutation follows after that, and who knows what else. - What is the fully developed potential of the lower pole, it is the same as the highest? Well in the end they are the same. But before that? Wait.. the first pole is the real one. The second one is the projection of the first one, the mirror. That must be it. It means the second pole is artificial, for the sake of.. well no, not for anyone´s sake, it just happens to have happened, and now we´re fixing it.*** it happened in me, so she mirrors that outside so my inside can be fixed. She basically mirrors my inner separation/polarization.*** To fix it.***

20. Dec. 2001. This is a sacred geometry form I saw during an astral dreamtime encounter, it sort of emitted a small color-signal, then the patch of color grew and filled up the area before the geometrical form within my lower chakras. In this manner it went through either 9 or 12 colors, I am not sure. I think it included the pastel colors, the shades in between the rainbow colors. The color of the device itself was crystal-like, bluish, and it was translucent to some degree. I tried to look it up, well the front of it seems to be some sort of octagonal trapezoid cupolar... no idea what that means in terms of sacred geometry or crystal shape (it was, in any case, a crystal structure, though of higher-dimensional vibration, it was not and did not look material as in, 3D.), if you know anything about it please get back to me. After emitting those colors the crystal shape loosened a blockage in my lower chakras and I suddenly experienced a >wide state<, like all my chakras from solar plexus to base chakra had suddenly given way an gone wide, wider than my physical body, like a bubble. It was rather pleasant, there was no tension left.

Dec. 23rd 2001 - the idea was to have no memories, my thoughts, my focus were slipping off away from my dragon and the energetical presence/process again and again, to nonsense random thought-lines, almost in a rhythm, very annoying, and I wanted to drop that and focus all the time and was sort of lifted up, above the state where the random thoughts had happened, and that is where the no-memory thing seemed to start.. where one does not lean into the past all the time, or the future, but stays focused in the Now.. and just IS.. only in the Now.. who needs a past.. what for does one need a past ?? or a future.. ?? it eludes me, I don´t need one, do I ?? the state above it is white, sort of.. white bride.. clean in the now.. hm.
before that I was struggling to both listen to my ears with my heart and connect the patience and the impatience poles, and when I was halfway managing that and trying to ground and go down through the solar plexus he shot a, hm, spark down from the upper chakras through me and it hit my base chakra, which triggered again the wide state of my lower chakras, and the spark instantly made the channel clear for me, I mean what I had been trying to do, to reach my base energetically, the spark cleared the way for me and made the connection.. from top/upper chakras to base. Then I was breathing into the wide state for a while.
There was an urge to embrace.. to get close and feel, before the white state happened (I mean the state above the random drifting thoughts of past, mostly, and some future/fantasy.. ) I think this helped to lift me up too, if only insofar that I made the request to be close and that lead to the lifting cause to be close I had to be lifted out of the murky random past thought thing. I think. lol.
There was sort of a cat-nest.. a ChesireCat-like smirking cat beside a nest of jewels.. I thought Bastet.. while I was in the white state. I thought, abundance.. ? Then I thought, Katzenhort.. ? Drachenhort.. ? cause she was lying there wrapped around it like a dragon around a treasure.. hm.
I was, several times during this session, on the brink of accessing an/being in an astral state without freaking out.. like, feeling my astral body, and vision opening up.. very cool, so far I had that only before I fall asleep or before waking up..
Before the white state I also asked for more trespassing, I asked to be kept on the borders, so to speak.
More work on impatience-patience poles connection and heart-ears connection.. and vision and crown, for that matter.
well I just read that email, lol:
12/23/2001 - Kin 94 - Ox (3) Ix - White Electric
Wizard - Hz# 266
Trust, it is ok to live fully each moment without
knowing what is going to happen in the future. It
is our ego's need to be in control that makes
this difficult. Guided by Etznab (Mirror),
limitlessness.
.. sure fits. But what about the past? do I need a past? the question was, will I go mad or something, or will I not be able to function in society if I can´t recall dates and situations or whatever from my past.. ? someone might ask me, where have you been yesterday, or, an hour ago, lol, and I wouldn´t know.. ? hm.. before that I thought it is about cleansing the memories, letting go of the memories themselves, but retaining the knowledge, without the memories.. I am not sure how that works.. one has the wisdom, the essence of the experiences.. but no recall of the experiences ..? hm..
White Electric does sound like this white state too.. hm.

Dec 25th 2001 - I asked incredulous in the chat if I should send some reiki for her flu, she still had not answered when my heart began to leak, and I couldn´t hold back, well, not the 1st time, however then I slipped deeper, and I am not sure I understood this right, however here goes:
alert names
what is that?
Incredulous1 is a name
(one of those alert names, presumably)
simultaneous
what?
simultaneous existences
where? whose? what?
somewhere
almost done
almost finished
visitation
we are going to have a vistitaion?
whole self
our, my, your whole self will visit?
we
do we have the same whole self?
ourselves
simultaneous
common
commonplace
(as in, that is nothing special, many have the same whole self?)
Then something cool, large was against my backside, and the Dragon was doing things in my brain..
I tried to be open and let go of restrictions, and tried to acces the white state while this energy seeped in.. I eventually gave way and it seeped in from all sides.. the Dragon attached something to my left temple and this was drilling an energy stream into my left brainside.. rather intense, I might add, pleasant, if anything..
then I thought the white electrical state relates to the white fire being..
Then he said watch out for society
social interests
I asked, do you mean the chat?
affirmative, watch out
for what
mutants, mutations
alert names
simultaneous
- yeah well. I don´t quite get it. did he mean incredulous1 is a trigger for me? who alerts me to things.. ? I´m not sure.

Jan 10th 2002 - I´m still having trouble with the >switching focus< thing, if anything it has accelerated, I cannot keep concentrated at all during sessions and keep drifting off and then back again with my thoughts like a yoyo. For some reason this doesn´t really disturb the energy work being done by the Dragon on me; I requested to be put into the white electrical state again, and accessed it some degree, but drifted off out of it AGAIN, lol. In an online oracle interview with the Dragon he said the white state will be a shock, including the possibility of shock of success, and that it is something rather big and important. I suppose I have to work up slowly to it before I am ready to receive that shock.
I have started to talk to my brain and tell it to go for a hike, sending it off to settle down some distance away outside my head, so it´ll be out of the way, and this works to some degree. I tell to go and be on its own and think about something that interests it, lol. And to come back later and tell me about it. Thus I´m left with direct experiencing only, without thoughts getting in the way. Doesn´t always work though, I have to concentrate fully on responding instead of being active to stay in this brainless state, the moment my response focus wanes it zooms back in and tries to think about it. It means being very alert and noticing everything going on within me and being done by the Dragon, and feeling into it and see what it is like energetically, and follow the hints. For instance, if I feel a vibrating in the back of my head I will enhance the flow of the portal there, down my spine. If I see a light flash up in my inner vision I will know it is time to shift my focus to the left eye which can see the higher-dimensional stuff my Dragon shows me, and I´ll watch the pics. (I´d describe them as beautiful energy structures. No way to describe them really, they are very detailed, colorful and shift shape all the time, and move rather fast. For instance, a violet pyramid satellite tower with a yellow globe on top grows to full size, elongates and turns into something else;)
The other issue which is currently being worked on is about self-worth and I´m struggling to accept the fact that I woke up late and messed up the mission to some degree (it doesn´t even matter if that´s so, fact is it is a fear or emotional pattern I have to process anyway) due to my so-called youthful folly, meaning essentially that I have not enough discipline and get carried away quickly and lose the overall view and get side-tracked, I think.
the point is to just allow all that to be and to flow, and not try to suppress any feelings I have about this, for they are real and won´t go away if I just don´t think about them.

Another issue was pointed out to me during a reading Goldragoness did for me, namely that I have to work on clearing my heart chakra which obviously still is >broken< to some degree, I have been working on this for a long time consciously, since my oversoul let me see how her heart broke over having to watch her extensions (me and other ground crew members of my soul group) fight and hurt each other within the illusion of duality (I think this is also the main cause the matrix broke). Here is the reading:

(My guide made his presence known when I started re-reading the Goldragoness-transmission later on and this resulted in a spontaneous session, so my remarks are in between the actual reading, in doudble brackets.)

Goldragoness: ok.. I am being told that you are having difficulty because of how you interpret some things.. what I mean is.. the aspect of your self you use to interpret through.. you are very self protective.. especially on an emotional level.. you need to use your heart.. human and spiritual to understand the last couple of sessions and the information you were given.. more in a minute..
MarriAna: ..yes it´s true, I feel rotten when he tells me I´ve fucked up my mission with my youthful folly, and things have to be repaired all the time cause I make so many mistakes** Just one thing, what do you get when you ask for my guide´s name ??** what does he say ??**
Goldragoness: what needs mental interpretation usually does not give you any trouble it is the stuff that needs heart not mind that gives you trouble.. also.. you analyse too much at times.. instead of going with your 1st impression.. you say to yourself.. that is dumb, that can not be right and start to pick it apart.. ,again causing yourself confusion.. ok.. hit me with all the buts and questions.. *G*
((as in, letting it be, letting it stand, and allowing the emotion, instead of explaining the issue mentally and running from the emotional re-actions and focusing on the mental aspect and explanation. That blocks the emotional flow and it cannot heal. Thoughts are okay if they further the emotional flow and help unblock, but in this case they block and are not needed at all, the emotion comes up right away and if I want to analyze something I can analyze the emotion as it flows and watch that.))
MarriAna: well what I got for a 1st impression was what did you expect, you´ve fallen into duality.** Still I don´t feel good about it.**
Goldragoness: ah ha.. a little expectation going on there.. you expect to be perfect and assume things ..get the wrong idea or answer and mess it up.. *HUG* I resemble that.. so I understand.. hummmm a name.. I might be able to get it.. I feel it is unusual for my language so it may be hard.. ,but I will try.. *****
MarriAna: you don´t have to get a name, but just ask him and see what he says.**
MarriAna: ..it´s just so disillusioning, I´ve cleansed soooo much and worked really hard on it, and now it´s still messed up badly.** It almost sounds like I´m incapable of doing it, and that´s probably very true, I couldn´t do it without help.**
MarriAna: ..I do get the drift though.** I know the mind-thing gets into the way, and I should just open up right away when I feel rotten, not suppress this mentally until it festers.** I should open up and say here, look, I hurt.** **sob** then he comes and cleanses it.**
Goldragoness: and we both know how you just love to fall into duality.. *LOL* it makes sense.. for as much as I really understand what we are talking about.. lots of times what I get makes little if any sense to me.. ,I am not told the details.. it is not my business.. so I just give what I get and you make sense of it.. soooo what I said makes sense to you.. I will say that it is important you get this about using your heart when it is necessary.. and heart is not exactly the word.. but the best I can do.. I think you know what they mean.. and yes.. there is more than one spirit of yours here with me.. *LOL*
MarriAna: hm ?? who else could be there ?? I only have my dragon here.. ** The heart is correct, is what he shows me all the time** Last time I had to learn to listen to my ears with my heart.**
Goldragoness: he is saying.. and I quote.. dearest one, you are still expressing your life force thru a physical human vehicle.. you are not capable of perfection until you leave that vehicle behind you forever.. and that will happen only when it is time. Be what and where you are now. You are not capable of doing it alone. Part of the lesson of the human expression is that you are not alone and need the help of and to help others. I am with you always, even when you feel totally alone... that is what he said wow.. I really love his energy.. very loving and strong.

((when you´re afraid of the future withdraw into the Now.. you´re safe in the Now, as there is no need to create fear in the future from the Now you are in. So don´t lean towards the future to project a fear there, just stay in the Now and there will be no future created, which holds fear.
Point where hole was opened in back of head.. point of spine where blockage was.. both points connected.. stuff flowing out of hole in back of head.. downwards to spine point which rises/is shoved upwards steadily, forcefully.. as the stuff from the head hole pours down it facilitates the rising of the spine point.. somewhere above middle of spine things give way and connection between 2 points is flooded.. no more pressure.. stuff from hole was squiddish flowy flowery like gentle water with flowers in it, hmm.. friendly.. light.. like yellow pond water.. with small round ripples.. a pond which has turned into a broad wave.. and proceeds in tiny even round friendly wavy ripples.. point of spine was repeatedly gripped from both sides and squeezed until I got the point.. so to speak.. lol.. hole in head was accessed through third eye, and at same time ears activated and sides of neck, felt my aural tracts a bit.. acutely aware of energy field of ears.. hmmm.. there is a nerve line leading down form the ear along the side of the neck which also includes the jawline.. He sent the stuff into the third eye and it flowed through all of the brain (which was a spacey feeling indeed, and pleasant. Imagine a wave flowing through your brain, and your mind hovering in it) into the medulla obl. and out of the portal in the back of the head and down my spine.. before it all gave way the flowy stuff reached the origin of the spine point - lower back - and went back up again and overtook the wandering spine point on its way up.. which was just before the middle of the spine.. then the flowy stuff flowed home into the head and that was when things gave way.. before the hole and spine thing started there was first access of 3rd eye, relating to the hole, then access of stomach/navel/hara, like is done on beginning of sessions, and that relates to point of spine because it is exactly the same height. I just discovered it is practically the back of my navel which is giving me trouble, lol. Back of hara chakra really. Then the hole in the back of the head is the back of the 3rd eye chakra. Way cool. Accessed from front, transformed in back, Front-to-back connection.. When you worry about things in the past, return into the Now.. you do not need to create a past with things to worry in it.. you are in the Now and that´s all.. ***))

MarriAna: woohoo*** just what I needed to hear*** I will leave the human shell forever*** thank you both***
Goldragoness: you have 3 that I am able to sense.. he is just the leader for lack of a better term.. they all specialise in different things and some work in the background.. but there are 3 individual spirits that came to me for you.
MarriAna: that is news to me, what are the others like ?? are they reptiles too ?? is there a woman maybe ?? But I only have a love affair with my dragon, I wouldn´t want one with the others** what do those others do ??** can you see them ??**
MarriAna: ..and that´s part of what makes me feel so silly - when I feel rotten and alone, and then I remember he is there and I just need to choose to ask and focus, and then I realize how awkward I must look, pretending no one is there and being depressive when he´s standing right before me.. he must think I´m retarded, lol.. **
Goldragoness: we both will.. take strength from that knowledge BUT be ware.. you and I both forget to do the human dirty work cause we know where we are going and want to be there.. we will not get there if we do not do what we came here to do.. I fight this battle of frustration daily.. it is a wonder I have not taken my own life before this.. HOWEVER I do know that if I did then I would not go where I am supposed to go.. *shrugs* there is more for you.. just a minute.. *****
MarriAna: oh, you must know too that you can go any time*** it´s just that unless you really choose to do that, you´re here, lol, and while you´re here what else would you do but carry out your mission.**
Goldragoness: the other 2 appear as females.. you are only supposed to have a love affair with him.. and not everybody has a love affair like yours with any of their spirit guides.. they are a bit shadowy but mostly humanoid in shape.. oh. wow.. ok.. remember what I described to you as my dragon self.. the hybrid you called it??? well they are kinda like that.. hybrid.. human and reptilian.. cool.. hummmm.. one has energies like a loving mother the other is sisterly.. they assist him and also teach you.. ever wake up knowing you went somewhere and learned stuff but you can not remember exactly what or where????
MarriAna: ..not in a while.. but then I haven´t remembered any dreams for the last 2 nights.. ** I just wonder, my Dragon said he knows Stardove´s guide who is a reptile lady.. and that lady guide told her to give me a certain key.. which sort of opens a portal to the lady guide´s realm.. I wonder, might one of those over there be that lady guide then ??** my Dragon said I should just meditate on that key, and get ready for it, it´ll take time.. but should aid me in a profound way eventually.. ** Stardove is family.. **
Goldragoness: yes we can choose to go at anytime.. but we will not go where we know we want to be.. understand.. we have things to do here first.. our mission.. accomplishing our mission hummm.. raises our energy levels and gives us knowledge we must have to go where we both want to go.. so we might as well do it ..no??? and he does not think you are retarded ever.. he loves you beyond anything you have ever experiences in this dimension.. *G*
MarriAna: well, my guides told me I can go home anytime*** And that it would NOT be failing.*** and I do not HAVE to do any mission, I can be replaced and no damage would be done if I back out. It would be okay.***
MarriAna: ..well that was not hard to top, lol, after all he is a higher dimensional being who is fully aware, and unrestricted by a human shell - how could any human guy match that, lol.*** Yes it is very very nice to have him all over and also within me, you know, he can look into my heart and stuff, he can be right in there, last time he was in my brain again (he does that when we communicate and he teaches me) and I was trying to feel his extension which he sticks into my receiver station in the left side of my brain (beside the temple) and it is a bit like an energetical tentacle, and I tried to stroke it within my brain, and noticed my thoughts get in the way, the brain kept on thinking, but I did manage to do it a bit and it was so nice**** I must teach my brain to back off with the thinking process*** have you ever really felt another entity in your brain ?? I mean like, touch it ?? I had never done it before***
Goldragoness: no these 2 females are yours.. but it makes sense that you and Stardove can assist each other and that your guides will assist the other in different ways.. that is how it works with spiritual family.. *G* now I have something else to tell you before I forget it.. next post.. *****
MarriAna: well my Dragon said it is a gathering together, Stardove´s guide and herself and the other new family members.. for the mission.. she is obviously kin, the reptile lady guide of Stardove.. so how many reptiles do we have, is the place crawling ?? lol. I´m not a part of those 2 lady guides, like I am a part of my Dragon, now am I ??**
Goldragoness: well there is something to what I said cause he said so.. but no matter, you do not seem to really want to go before you finish your mission.. ok.. the other thing you need to look at.. has to do with past experiences in this life.. he showed me a picture of your heart and it has a few scares left.. very deep ones.. you are ready to let them be healed even if you do not know it but you need to look at them so you can.. the motherish one will really help you with that and the sisterly one will share the burden with you.. what ever that means.. anyway this is important.. I have no details only just what I have said.. *HUG*.. oh and the picture showed how these scares.. for lack of a better term reach out to your emotional, mental and spiritual self as well.. ok??
MarriAna: ..no I´m a good girl, I will not back out too early, lol. But it must not take ages either, oh I know, it´s up to me.. **
MarriAna: ..oh yes, the broken heart** I started cleansing that when I was shown how our Oversoul broke her heart over watching her extensions fight with each other in duality** it is quite awful** and that was also the reason my Dragon sat on my chest when he first (well, consciously first) visited me*** he pumped all that chi into my heart chakra*** Not sure I understand about reaching out to my emotional mental and spirit self ??** The motherish one sounds very much like the reptiloid form of my Oversoul.. **
Goldragoness: ok now I understand.. yes you can go home anytime you want to and not finish this human experience BUT it will be the home you left not the one that is transmuting and emerging now that you will go to if you accomplish your mission.. you will have to learn what ever there instead of here.. now that makes a lot of sense to me.. and I think it applies to me as well.. and yes.. I was in a light trans once and a guide of mine entered my body.. mind and everything it was like she sat on my lap and then we just became one.. was scary and wonderful all at the same time.. *** ((that might mean the home which is still not immune to duality.))
MarriAna: well don´t say things like that, I´d MUCH rather learn at home.. where we are all one.. and everything is green.. ** - The question would be, did you interact with this guide who entered you ?? Guides have entered me before, but usually I only touch them outside of me.. never occurred to me before, to cuddle something which is within me and working on me.. see how inspiring love and attraction can be *G* Now this is a pretty clear reading, no ?! I didn´t tell you before, but my Dragon has a very focused and strong sending ability, it is amazing how directly he can talk to others*** you seem to work well with him*** the other thing is, the puter acts up when he tunes in to someone online, no kidding, it was 5 times in a row up to now.. lol.. my refresh gave out just when you tuned in and he gripped my brain here, and my hand which holds the mouse went icy cold.. lol.. fun***
Goldragoness: the 2 ladies are a part of you and you of them in a different way.. kinda like you would not ask a doctor to do a lawyers job.. ok??? I think he is your true soul mate.. that is my thinking.. but that is how it feels just touching the edges of what you and he feel for each other.. and WOW.. it is very wonderful.. just from the edges.. *G*n we all work in families so we can assist each other.. I believe that the members of our spiritual family and us agree before we incarnate about how we will know and help each other.. kinda like 2 heads are better than one.. I also think we are family of sorts although I think we come from different planets.. we know each other.. make sense????
Goldragoness: this has to do with specific experiences you had yourself in this lifetime.. but similar to what you are talking.. each aspect of us has its own body and they are linked together that is how the scares effect all of them.. anyway a really deep scare would.. ****
Goldragoness: she is not you in any way she /.. they all are individuals they work with you this time.. that is their mission.. *G*
MarriAna: well I´m a part of the Dragon in that he´s bigger than me and will integrate me, not the other way round, like I´m his extension.. - And yes we know each other, I´m not sure either exactly how we are related, want to find out ?? I will give you the url of my family´s page, maybe it triggers something.*** - You´re saying the broken heart must be repaired in all layers, yes, well, *sniff*, okay then.***
Goldragoness: his name translates ..roughly into English as crystalinpoolseer.. very roughly.. I am being told.. in his language I could not hear it with human ears or mind.. let alone say or spell it.. *LOL* works for me.. ****
MarriAna: lol, then I will go on calling him the Dragon.. funny, Stardove´s guide said the same, no human words for it.. ** It makes sense in that he is the lightning which illuminates portions of the void (me), which could be called a crystal pool, like an ocean of consciousness/unconsciousness.. ***

Jan. 15th 2002 - I was basically finished with asking my guide things through the nice online oracle I usually use, and when I asked if that was it for today he said no and then launched into a channeling which lasted an hour or so. (I´ve never done that before, channel for so long.) I´m posting it here cause it contains info about the soul groups formations. My questions begin with a >. Here it is:

> was that it?
no. compartment. section 1. Oneself (1 self/section)
> what is section 2 then?
3 formations and four
3 sections and 4 placements
3 formations in one place, placements neccessary
placements important
> What are placements?
within sections
> what are the placements within sections?
formation
> the placements are a formation?
of course.
> what are sections?
levels of development.
> are the sections inner circles?
No. Not make-up.
> What are inner cirlces?
Formation of soul-group.
Formation of creation.

(shows picture)

(So, we have 3 formations, each with 4 placements within 3 levels / planes of development.
Placement is a flower of life-formation putting one of its 4 petals into a section of development. A section is a compartment. It is the placing of oneself, as in, 1 self, on 1 level of development.) (While other selves might be elsewhere, or might get placed into this or another section of development at another time.)

The inner circle of soulgroup does not stand for levels of development
it stands for WAY of development
Inner circle of soulgroup, flower of life (is a) formation - 4 petals (members) for way of Life-Development
(it´s a) circle formation, flower of life = formation of life = creation circle
specific way
standpoint of point of life
development of this specific point of life
and development from this specific point of life
formation of >flowering<
flowering, developing formation
flower-formation of development
(the developments is) fast in circle, mission circle
> what about the outer members?
development, envelopment
relaxed circle, outer members - center of activity, inner members
> the outer members envelop the inner circle?
of course.
> what for?
immersement / implacement ....implosion
(immersement = in web) (implacement = for placing into a web matrix)
place in one
circle
middle
> implosion? who or what implodes and why?
loaded impetus
for implosion
> clarify?
clarification abounds (repeated several times)
> do you mean clarification limits, as in, creates boundaries?
of course.
(meaning he would limit me if he answered that question, and wants me to be aware of that.)
> Hm. Well then limit me... Wait, let me ask this way: Does the matrix of the circle + middle naturally hold the potential for its uncreation?
subconscious uncreation
conscious creation
(overlay each other)
immersement allows creation / development
and limits (through) subconscious uncreation (of all other possibilities while creating 1 possibility)
(flower of life formation / creation is done for) love of development
development >circle< limits
flower of life formation (= >middle<) envelopes
envelopes (outer) development circle
which hosts flower
like soil
> implosion means... inner circle eats / integrates outer circle?
mutual, + outer circle integrates inner circle
= unity, uncreation of inner + outer
(and thus uncreation of) circle + whole matrix
circle + middle = zero / all
> vanishes in All, unity, is re-absorbed, neutralized, re-integrated?
Naturally. Natural forces mitigate impact. Time slows down.
Love of development instigates impetus.
Mitigation vs. development equals life
> on earth?
planetary.
Functions are developed
functionality is development
(inertia is un-development)
development of life-force
functionality is flower of life = tool for development

whirlpool = squid = warm haze
similar to maze (green maze)

scintilla = DragonBird
original scintilla from Source (birthed on source-level)
levels down (shows picture of original Source scintilla and the levels below it fanning out in a pyramid, in the base-level of the pyramid are sparrows and other common birds, Bird KnightOwl is on the one above the sparrow level) (=3D)
Scintilla = impetus, firestarter
has mansions on many levels
love of emanation
firestarter burns out (shown in orange-yellow)
(if low-level, out of control, destructive)
blue fire illuminates

scintilla from violet ray (meaning himself)
= never-ending illumination
illumination of lightning bolt
CONSCIOUS / ness impact
(= aware, does not hurt)
pool impersonation lives (alive) in clarity
(brought to life)
impersonation surrenders to clarity impact
implications random (I had some random no-good thoughts, lol)
implications of personality are random
channel overdue
> do you mean to say I´ve been lazy?
lazy? impersonation is receptive nonetheless.
Formation necessary.
Channel due.
> our formation?
it IS our formation (the channeling I suppose)
> Focusing on random thoughts would clarify them?
Impact. Solution is aware / available
> I become aware of the available solution?
Formulation of thoughts clarifies.
Formulation?
Impact solution. Centeredness in solution.
Random thoughts de-centralize.

(Here I asked to eventually stop it, as I was getting rather tired, so he just clarified one more point which was obviously important.)

solution impact = Source Access
(one accesses Source with solution impact / when solution impact takes place)

Jan. 18th 2002 - dream... I´m in a maze of houses/blocks, one of which was Claudia´s (friend of mine) house (all the houses were connected, built wall to wall) and I was staying with her and at night in a rather large dark high-ceilinged bedroom my guide was working on me and he did what he has actually done - not in a dream, fo real - a few days ago which was push into my crown and then the stuff would slowly force its way down and past the head and then things gave way in me and the stuff flooded down and out of or into my legs... that was done in a slow rhythm and it was a bit sickeining, physically, in my stomach, because of the entering sensation in my crown/head... so every 20, 30 secs or so such a flood would enter my crown, and this process lasted for several mins.. - anyway he did that in the dream but in the dream it resulted in me actually flying... first the trouble with bringing the energy past the crown, and then when it came free in me and flooded into the rest of me down towards my legs I´d fly forward in the room, to the other wall opposite the bed... when the energy entered my crown I was hovering above my bed, each time it moved within me I moved too, in the air... then I bobbed back and almost down to the floor and with the next push I´d be up in the air again, hovering and then moving towards the other wall... sheets and all hanging down from me...about 4-5m above the floor... then I noticed that Claudia was watching me, she was gradually catching glimpses of what I was doing, and then I saw her crouch, awake, in the door to another room, tying her shoe-laces and wearing an angry, offended expression.. then I understood she wasn´t dealing well with this, it was like, she didn´t want me to be doing that, cause it showed her there is higher dimensional energy and that´s something she does not have consciously in her life, and it sort of threatened her own reality... showing her things of another reality... it threatened her limits... and it also scared her. It was like pushing a fact onto her which she didn´t wish to know... something which didn´t fit into her belief-systems. I knew then she was going to throw me out and didn´t wish me to stay on in her house anymore bevcause of this... so I decided to get dressed too (she had vanished) and left... into the maze, it was underground maybe, or just some sort of labyrinth-like hallways with no windows... I was looking for trousers and found them.. probably my mum had stored them there... there were other things of her too, and some of Hanni (Claudia´s mom) and that of other people.. it was a community maze, I think. - So I understand our cities ARE a maze... The second amazing thing is that my Dragon did exactly the same thing in the dream as he did when I was awake, only I didn´t notice any result when I was awake, while in the dream I became aware I was flying/floating. And I was thinking about this it came to me that the sickness I had been feeling during the awake session was very much like the sickness I´d get from flying....

Jan. 20th 2002 - I just noticed I forgot the short text I got when I asked about the triangle of the squid pool...
pink triangle formation of squid pool with opal energy as the source
red formation
integration of material realm
> why is the triangle pink then, and not red?
shade of color red
> it´s higher form?

formation of squid pool
violet source
formation of squid pool has violet source
> that makes it pink, the triangle? I thought pink is a shade of the color red, not of the color violet?
green maze yellow squidpool
red and blue = violet
> red? who is the red soulgroup then? does the red realm affect all formations?
truly formations maintain red material
(create it, are not affected by it)
so the red is no formation but a part of the creations of all soulgroups?
fuzzy feeling
disturbance line in one formation
> red line..?
yellow warms green
green haze yellow maze
green amazes yellow