When choosing between two evils, I always like to try the one I've never tried before.
- Mae West

You want a friend in Washington? Get a dog.
- Harry S. Truman

He who rocks the boat seldom has time to row it.
- Bryan Munro

When elephants fight it is the grass that suffers.
-African proverb

I got a simple rule about everybody. If you don't treat me right, shame on you.
- Louis Armstrong

The most wasted of all days is one without laughter.
- E. E. Cummings

You cannot depend on your eyes when your imagination is out of focus.
- Mark Twain

The best things in life aren't things.
- Art Buchwald

I like nonsense, it wakes up the brain cells. Fantasy is a necessary ingredient in living.
- Dr. Seuss

Man's mind stretched to a new idea never goes back to its original dimensions.
- Oliver Wendell Holmes

What the mass media offers is not popular art, but entertainment which is intended to be consumed like food, forgotten, and replaced by a new dish.
- W.H. Auden

One can never consent to creep when one feels an impulse to soar.
- Helen Keller

Laughter is inner jogging.
- Norman Cousins

Behold the turtle. He only makes progress when he sticks his neck out.
- James Bryant Conant

Don't sweat the petty things and don't pet the sweaty things.
-George Carlin

In order to make ecological good sense for the planet, you must make ecological good sense locally. You can't act locally by thinking globally.
-Wendell Berry

Whenever you set out on a mission, you can only ever really be disappointed.
- Jeff Noon

One must be reasonable in one's demands on life. For myself, all that I ask is: (1) accurate information; (2) coherent knowledge; (3) deep understanding; (4) infinite loving wisdom; (5) no more kidney stones, please.
-Edward Abbey

A human being has a natural desire to have more of a good thing than he needs.
-Mark Twain

The man who has no imagination has no wings. -Muhammad Ali

Always remember you're unique, just like everyone else.
- Alison Boulter

Tragedy is when I cut my finger. Comedy is when you fall down an open manhole and die.
-Mel Brooks

Black holes are where God divided by zero.
- Steven Wright

My kid drives me nuts. For three years now he goes to a private school, He won't tell me where it is.
- Rodney Dangerfield

The thing I hate the most about being in the twenty-first century is having to use all these appliances which were made way back in the twentieth century.
- Andy Pierson

Yesterday I saw a chicken crossing the road. I asked it why. It told me it was none of my business.
- Steven Wright